Rainy Days+Updates | The Geneva Convention: Rainy Days+Updates

Friday, September 12, 2014

Rainy Days+Updates

Rainy Days
Rainy Days

I took these photos during one of the really violent thunderstorms that we've had around here lately, and it seemed like the appropriate backdrop for this post.

It's been a weird few months. After James and I graduated things really seemed to go downhill, for me at least. I had to turn down a job that should have been perfect for me because the details just wouldn't come together (and by details, I mean the tens of thousands of student loans I can only pay for if I don't have to pay for anything else). Then there was a sudden family tragedy, which left me essentially alone with my panic in the house for more than a week. It was just the opportunity my brain needed to shut down and I found myself too depressed and defeated to do much more than bake a lot of comfort mini-cakes and shotgun all 8 seasons of Bones on Netflix (again). I barely left the house and I didn't willingly talk to anyone, because that would mean being honest about what I was going through, and I really didn't want to do that.

I have never been the type to succumb to depression. My whole life, I would just set a goal, and go for it (and in some cases, just get lucky). I set my mind on going to Smith, and I got there. I had some great internships and attended some pretty prestigious programs. I never worried about where I would be when I graduated, until suddenly it was a pressing issue and I didn't have a plan or a path. I didn't know where to go, or want to admit this to anyone. I felt like I had failed, and if I didn't talk about it, maybe no one else would notice.

The thing is, people always notice. And when I finally stopped kidding myself, I started to feel better. I'm not where I should be yet, but I'm making changes and I'm not fighting alone anymore, which is a much better place to be. I don't have all of a path yet, but I have a way forward.

The past few months have been an exercise in getting back to what makes me feel good. I've been trying to exercise more and keep busy. A few days ago I sat down at the piano for the first time in months and was pleasantly surprised to find that my fingers seem to remember Mozart and Marianelli. And after a summer of overindulging my sweet tooth in every possible way (and gaining weight in the process), I have decided to spend the month of September on a pseudo-paleo cleanse, cutting out all added sugar, including sugar substitutes like maple syrup and honey. I'm also drastically reducing my intake of grains, alcohol, and dairy. The first week was really rough, but the worst is over and I already feel a lot better. I can tell when we get to the end my relationship with cake will be much healthier!

I have some other updates in the works, pertaining to my job and living situations, but they are all currently half-baked, and I'd rather to wait until they are real before sharing them with the internet. This is where I am for now!

p.s. I updated my About Me page and added a blogroll and a sparse FAQ page (for information about things like my camera and stuff). I also put in some content tabs at the top for easier navigation. Let me know what you think of it!

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